Newfoundland Lobster Trap
by idioticonion
Summary: Robin's sleeping pills give her some disturbing and highly sexual dreams. Spoilers for Old King Clancy and a lot more filthy.


**Newfoundland lobster trap**

_She feels something slither between her legs and curl around one thigh. There's a faint hissing sound and a snake, a huge fucking __snake__ rears its head from between her legs, its forked tongue flicking across her clit, sending wave after wave of pleasure through her. She can feel his dick, moving smoothly and insistently inside her, can feel his hips piston-ing, pressing against her buttocks from behind. Both his hands are cupping her breasts and she's coming… coming… impaled on him… clenching around his iron-hard cock… _

_"Oh! Oh! Barney!"_

*--*--*

Robin jolted awake, snuffling against his shoulder. She'd had some weird-ass dreams since she'd been taking those sleeping pills but that one had been a doozy! She rubbed her face as he gave her a disgusted look, brushing at the patch of drool now staining the shoulder of his suit jacket.

"Jesus Christ, Scherbatsky, can't you stay awake for more than a minute at a time?"

"Oh, leave her alone, Barney!" Lily frowned at him. "Our girl's on one punishing schedule. You go sleepy-bye if you wanna, sweetie?"

Robin rolled her eyes at the baby-talk. She was still half asleep and could feel the ghostly pulsing sensation between her legs. It wasn't helping that she was close enough to Barney to smell the beer on his breath. "Lily, I'm not five," she snorted, avoiding Barney's eye. If he saw her expression, he'd know she'd been having a dirty dream about him. Barney was a master at sensing weakness in women.

So she scooched over on the sofa and snuggled up against Ted instead. She'd completely lost track of what was going on in the film they were supposed to be watching.

She yawned and tried to ignore the buzz of conversation around her. And slowly, she drifted off into sleep once more.

*--*--*

_Marshall and Ted grab one arm each, blank eyed and slack jawed. They're really strong and there's no way she can get away. They drag her over across to the bar and she struggles, trying to dig her heels in to the floor but suddenly she's not wearing any shoes. They're not fucking her on the bar! They can't! Not in front of all these people! But Doug and Carl join them, grabbing one leg each and they carry her bodily out the side door, through the kitchen and out into the alley behind the bar. Doug rips off her dress, his huge, meat-plate hands squeezing her left breast before probing roughly between her legs, tearing at her panties. She's naked by the time they lower her on to her back and she can feel the cold, hard ground beneath her. She writhes in their grip, Doug's hand still between her legs, three large fingers stuffed up inside her and he's hitting her g-spot, jabbing it viciously, mercilessly, until she's trembling and close to coming. She tries to scream, to bite Ted's hand because she doesn't want this… but then she hears the rasp of a leather belt being unbuckled and removed. _

_He's__ standing over her… Smirking… He's jerking off and she's helpless to stop him. _

_She tries to say "No! Please?" but it leaves her lips as "Please!" and he grins his trademark pinball grin, getting down on his knees on the dirty ground, batting Doug's hand away. _

_And he says: "Mine!"_

_He reaches down and pinches her clit and she spasms beneath him. _

*--*--*

She woke with a start. It still the same scene playing out on the tv screen, she could swear she'd only drifted off for a moment. But now she was flushed and sticky and confused and she was leaning against a guy who, a moment ago, was helping to gang-rape her in her dream. She shuddered and hurriedly stood up.

"I'm off to bed guys," she announced with a fake yawn. "I guess I just can't take these late nights any more…"

There was a chorus of half-hearted objections and "Awwws!" but she flashed them a fake grin and staggered over to her bedroom.

Really, having all those weird-ass sex dreams while actually sitting on a couch next to the guys who were starring in said dreams… That was freaking her out.

What the _hell_!?

She only realised when her head hit the pillow. Damn Lily!

Fucking !

Those Newfies had a lot to answer for.

*--*--*

_His body is flush tight against hers and she can feel the leash around her neck. He's holding her, holding her up on all fours and fucking her so hard that it sends her through the pain barrier and out the other side. Then he pauses, grabbing a handful of her hair so that he can pull her head to one side to bite and nuzzle at her neck. If only she could kiss him? But his grip is too strong and she can't turn her head. _

_But she can feel the slow steady pull of pleasure, drawing through her gut, her pelvic bone, her womb, and he's careful. His rhythm is too erratic to get her off, his strokes are too shallow. He's taunting her and his soft chuckle filled her ears. _

_If only she could kiss him._

_Then suddenly he's kneeling in front of her and the other him, the one behind her is forcing her head forward so that her cheek brushes clumsily against the erection jutting out from other-him's groin. The logic of there being two of him doesn't phase her, it excites her, and his dick feels warm and velvety as he slips it between her lips. Very soon he's plundering the back of her throat and reaming her from behind and she's groaning in frustration because he won't let her come. _

_Instead he pinches her and plays with her and runs a fingernail over her clit so that she clenches obediently around him but he doesn't let her come. _

_Soon she's desperate, slamming her body back against him as hard as she possibly can, a tiny ball, throbbing ball of fire between her legs and she hates him, hates him, hates him for doing this-_

*--*--*

_There's a noise in her bedroom and it wakes her up. He comes into focus, a silhouette against the light of the room beyond. _

_"Hey, Robin!" He calls out. "What up? Sounds like you're playing with yourself in here, you dirty girl!" He laughs - he's got an evil fucking laugh. _

_"Go away, Barney, I'm sleeping."_

_She hears the door close and him moving around in the darkness, feels his weight settle on the bed. _

_"Sure you don't want a nightcap?" He says in that fake-smooth voice he uses on his bimbos before he slips under their defences and goes for the kill. _

_He's pulling back the covers and she's naked beneath them. He's sliding underneath and she can feel the cool material of his suit pants pressing against the bare skin of her legs, feel his belt buckle against her belly, feel his stubble brush against her cheek. _

_"I'm sleeping!" She squeaks in protest as he knees her thighs apart. _

_"Sure you are…" He says, one hand cupping the space between her legs, coating his fingers with her juices. "Sure you are…"_

_"Barney, I wasn't-" _

_He silences her with a kiss with is good enough to distract her from the fact that he's pulled down his fly and before she knows it she can feel his erection pressed lightly against her where he's holding it in place. She squirms against it, unable to help herself. She jerks her body, the little nub of joy sending crazy signals through her spine as she wraps her legs around his waist. When he slides into her, full length, it's almost a relief. _

_She cries out… "Oh yeah! Oh yeah! That's what I'm talking about!"_

_It's good, it's so good, it feels so good that she doesn't care any more, she doesn't care that it's Barney and he's practically abusing her in her own bed, and she doesn't care that he's not using a condom, because she just wants to explode beneath him. _

_He slides one hand under her buttocks, lifting her an inch off the mattress and pressing himself even deeper inside her. That does it, and she's shuddering, convulsing, the pleasuring running deep into the molten core of her. _

_And as she lies there, twitching and groaning, he pulls out with a bark of laughter, fists his cock a couple of times and shoots his load over her bare breasts-_

*--*--*

"Hey?"

She snuffled into the pillow, lying on her stomach, her hips grinding slowly against the mattress.

"Hey, Robin? Are you okay?"

His voice. Always his voice. Why was it always _him_?

"Just fuck me already…" She complained, sleepily, her voice muffled by the pillow.

"I'm sor- WHAT?" He gulped.

She moaned in frustration. "Just get into bed with me! Do you want it or not?"

"Want… what?"

"For fuck's sake, Barney! Do you want to have sex with me or not?"

There was a pause, then she could hear him hurriedly stripping off his clothes, throwing them to the floor with uncharacteristic abandon.

"Fnnnnurrrrp." She said, exhaling into the pillow.

"Robin?" He replied, approaching the bed. "Hey, Scherbatsky?"

But she didn't hear him, because she had already begun to snore.


End file.
